Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/
i walk into the bank and up to the counter “yes what can i do for you” the lady asks “motherlode” i reply and instantly i have $50,000 in my hand
are you my big toe?
because i’m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my house
OH MY FUCKING GOD
i wish i was one of those girls who thought they were ugly but are actually really pretty
but instead i’m one of those girls who thinks they’re ugly and is actually ugly