Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/
(via laughbitches)
i walk into the bank and up to the counter “yes what can i do for you” the lady asks “motherlode” i reply and instantly i have $50,000 in my hand
(via rustycameltoe)
are you my big toe?
because i’m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my house
OH MY FUCKING GOD
(via laughbitches)
i wish i was one of those girls who thought they were ugly but are actually really pretty
but instead i’m one of those girls who thinks they’re ugly and is actually ugly
(via andshewaslike)
